Elves, Shelves and Hypocrites

It’s that time of year when a creepy little doll arrives in many homes, while parents across the country think of different scenarios to place it in during the lead up to Christmas. Buddy arrived to our home last year, dressed in green, antics given up on before the first week was up.


Everywhere I look, there are ‘Elf on the Shelf’ idea blogs and parents lamenting the pressure and hassle it takes to set the Elf up with incriminating evidence for their children to find in the morning. Let me just summarise the whole ‘Elf on the Shelf’ thing and what it is meant to involve, broken down into 5 simple steps:

  1. You buy an Elf, either from a store or from a random lady via Facebook/Craigslist/Amazon/EBay etc.
  2. You tell your children that Santa has sent one of his elves to keep an eye on them to find out if they belong on the NAUGHTY or NICE list (remember this detail).
  3. You tell your children that they can’t touch the Elf because otherwise his magic won’t work any more and they will automatically go on the NAUGHTY list.
  4. You spend the next 24 nights, bending over backwards to make the elf have NAUGHTY experiences that you would never allow your children to even think of.
  5. You cry into a glass of wine over the fact that an inanimate object has more fun than everybody else in your family.


Any other time of year, it would NOT be acceptable for one person to tell one or more people that if they don’t behave correctly, they will tell another person not to bring them presents. WHILE, simultaneously, behaving inappropriately with other people, sh*tting on the table and generally displaying sociopathic tendencies. That is NOT OK. And yet we expect our children to believe that an inanimate object has that kind of power over them? The word HYPOCRITE springs to mind. So I have come up with two ‘alternative’ Elf on the Shelf ideas:

Option 1 – Fast-Track Nice List Package

Buddy arrived this year with a Tesco Bag for Life, we are doing a REVERSE Advent. Each day we will put in a food/sanitary/toiletry item to then donate to a local food bank. (Yay for charity!)

Option 2 – Don’t Buy an Elf

Stress free christmas, no elf to remember to move about, nobody messing up your home, win-win situation.

What will you be doing this year? 

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